• Tuesday, February 07, 2023


Sex therapist: Seven things you ‘should know’ about your partner

By: Kimberly Rodrigues

You may be in a healthy relationship for some time now and though everything may seem to be going great for you, apparently there are certain things that you should know about your partner to continue to have a healthy, happy, and successful relationship.

According to a certified sex therapist from the US, Todd Baratz, there are seven things every couple should know about each other, the Daily Mail reports.

Amongst other things, it is reportedly important to ask your partner about the way they feel, what they desire and what their vision for the future is.

Taking to his Instagram post, the sex therapist listed out and revealed the seven things that all couples should discuss together and know about each other.

He reportedly said, ‘I rarely use the word should, but you should know these things.’

He adds, ‘Unfortunately few of us get any kind of relational education so most do not learn to have these conversations or feel safe enough to ask or answer.’

1. Childhood history

When you open up to your partner about your childhood experiences, your partner will get a better understanding of person you are. You are majorly impacted by your family relationships and friendships, therefore it’s important you discuss your early development years.

‘The only relationships that directly parallel each other are the ones we have with our original caregivers and adult partners,’ Todd informs.

‘The more you know about each other’s history the better you can become at understanding triggers and navigate around or through conflict, disconnection and therefore the easier it becomes to create repair.’

2. Relational history

Though most people prefer not to know about their partner’s relationship history, according to the expert, it’s important to discuss romantic, social and sexual relationships so that you can be aware of what went wrong previously. Moreover, it can be a good conversation to have with your partner.

‘From what worked, what didn’t work, and past challenges to lessons learnt, knowing each other’s relational past is crucial when building a relational future,’ he said.

3. Love preferences

Everyone has their preferences of how they want to express their love and receive that love in return. Discussing your preferences regarding how your partner can make you feel more loved is essential.

The expert explains, ‘Everyone has a variety of different preferences for how they like to give and receive love. And don’t use broad categories like a love language. Explicitly state the words, actions, and experiences you crave that drive your closeness preferences.’

He advises, ‘Keep in mind that these preferences may change depending on the context, time of day, and more. This information is what is means to anticipate needs and provide care.’

4. Relational challenges

It’s important for couples to know what enhances their bond and the best way that they connect. It’s also crucial for them to know the challenges they struggle with and try to overcome each time.

‘Be as open direct and honest as possible when it comes to your challenges with each other. Go through a list of triggers, frustrations, disappointments, and any other challenges that have arisen in the past, present, or future,’ Todd said.

‘This isn’t the time to revisit conflict and attempt to resolve. It’s about creating awareness, holding space, and normalising the challenges that may create conflict.

5. Sexual desires, kinks, and eroticism

In order to improve their bond and love life, couples should be aware of each other’s sexual desires, preference for touch, eroticism, and kinks. According to Todd, the conversation can be like ‘Q&A’ and ‘show and tell activity’ where each partner can literally provide directions. What’s also vital is to know about what turns each other either on or off.

6. Internal world

Talking about your day-to-experiences with your partner can help your partner to know what’s on your mind – whether it’s something about your past that’s plaguing you or something that’s happened at work, communicating such things with your partner in important in any relationship.

Todd also reportedly encourages couples to ‘get into the habit of inviting each other inside’ your mind by ‘sharing inner thoughts and feelings’ often.

7. Dreams and future plans

The expert claims that couples should discuss their plans for the future right from the beginning without ever stopping.

‘Share literal dreams when asleep, share lofty and grandiose dreams of professional success. Share your five, 10, 15 and 20-year plans,’ he said.

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